Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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