I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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