she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
