sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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