All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
