i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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