when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I think people are normalizing furries
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
