haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
