you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
