Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
