Small penises have feelings too.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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