There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
