69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
