I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So squirting runs in the family.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
