Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Im part way to drunk.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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