Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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