this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
