it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
