my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
