Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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