I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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