i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's never too late to be topless.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
