he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
