Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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