Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
