Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
