maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Your shirt... Was in my pants
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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