my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
