and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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