remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
