Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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