I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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