shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
