just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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