i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
