Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
