I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
