Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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