Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Drunk is a universal language darling
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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