Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
