I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
