It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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