She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
