Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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