I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
it was like eating out sand paper
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
