He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Actions speak louder than pants.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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