Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
