I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
