what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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