So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
