white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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