He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
